Thursday, January 13, 2011

I'm new to...

I'm new to blogging.
I'm new to staying at home.
I'm new to having a schedule of my own making.

I could go on with the list, but you get the idea.  Last Sept. my husband and I made the decision for me to quit my job and stay at home.  We have two young sons.  I was in a high stress job in the field of social work that was taking more and more of my time and attention.  My focus was not on our family and that was not what we wanted when we started our family.  I had returned to the work force when our oldest son was almost a year old.  What started out as a second income to provide him a better life turned into a time consuming career - it just morphed into that after years on the job.  Enough was enough.

Now, I spend my time focused on the household.  I do not struggle with an identity crisis.  I like being "Ben's mom" or "Josh's mom" or "Brian's wife".  I like cooking, I don't mind cleaning (though I can often find more interesting things to do with my time), I don't mind staying around the house.  I feel very blessed.  We are in the middle of a month long snow storm that is unusual for TN.  I should clarify that we haven't had a month of solid snow, but the snow has hit just at the right times to make our Christmas holiday last a month.  I am thankful that in the midst of below freezing temperatures and hazardous driving conditions that I am not obligated to drive and/or stress about missed work and getting behind at the office.

I have learned a few things about myself these last couple of weeks.  When I quit working, I wasn't sure it was permanent.  Part-time work may still be in my future.  So, I was 'enjoying' my time at home.  I did make a schedule for myself and was rolling along well with a routine.  When Christmas break started, we had church activities as well as holidays to prepare for, so we stayed on a routine of sorts.  I am a worrier and procrastinator at heart.  So, while I am not stressed about missing work due to weather, I have learned that without at least a school schedule to adhere to, I have been able to talk myself into putting off tasks around the house as well as sleeping in past 8 o'clock which I haven't been able to do for years.  The worry part comes in with my mind drifting to summer when I have 2 months without anyplace to be at any given time--will I get anything done??

I had visions of being a supermom at home - doing activities with my children and cooking large meals.  I do cook.  I don't always cook large meals.  I am not supermom.  Part of me is still relishing being at home and not at work.  I was very stressed and am allowing myself time to mend.  I think our family isn't sure what to do with our time together.  We were so rushed for so long with busy schedules, we are having to relearn how to be a connected family and what that looks like for us.  Our close friends say that they can already see a difference in our lives and I hope that continues.  Maybe blogging will keep me honest - if I don't talk myself out of regularly adding thoughts to my blog.

So, how's this for my first effort?  (Don't answer that.)